Hospital Diary 3 of 10 (from Monday 12th September)

26 Sep

Today is review day. I’m fifth on the list to be seen so it’s gonna be a couple of hours yet. My stomach is really sore, I haven’t been able to go to the toilet for six days now no matter how many laxative type stuff they give me. Sorry, I know, TMI.

On the upside I got out for half an hour today with my social worker so I could buy a new jacket. It’s Scotland and September and I forget to bring a jacket. Duh. Anyway I got a nice one and it was at half price so I’m a happy bunny that I can now go outside and not get soaked. I also got a little cuddly toy to snuggle into at night. Things like that always help to relax me a little when I’m away from my little doggies.

I just got called for medication there so back to bowel talk. How interesting! I had my normal diazepam plus dulcolex, lactulose and movicol and now my guts are churning. I swear to God this better make me explode – literally. Am I talking about poo a bit too much here?!

OK, I’ll stop talking about poo as something far more important has now happened. I’ve just been in to my review. I was honest with Mr. Psychiatrist and I told him that I wasn’t feeling particularly safe right now and whilst there is a part of me that wants to go home and attempt to be ‘normal’ there is the other part of me that knows I’m probably not safe whilst on my own. Also in the review I got my medications sorted as they haven’t been prescribing them properly to me since I got in here. My quetiapine/seroquel has been increased to 650mg a day so hopefully that will help my crazy head calm down a bit. He said the maximum he is happy to prescribe of it is 750mg a day so I haven’t got a lot left to increase by, I just want one of these fucking medications to actually help!

I’m still having a lot of low thoughts, the only thing is that being here stuck in these four walls means I can’t do much to hurt myself. I stubbed a cigarette out on my hand last night just to feel some sort of pain and for some sort of a release. Thankfully it just looks like a little scab so no one noticed.

Anyway I’m going to go and phone my Mum and let her know how my review went 🙂


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