This little post might not make a great deal of sense but I just wanted to write something as I don’t like it when I don’t write for too long. The thing is that I could sit and write for the next hour about all the goings on within my head but I don’t feel at the moment that I can share it all. I fear something bad will happen if I talk about it and they won’t be happy either. An acceptable amount that I could say is that I have two big things that they need me to make some decisions about and they are getting at me because in their opinion I’m not truly devoted and proving that I don’t deserve the privileges they will bring to me in my life if I can’t do two simple things for them. The only thing that is preventing me from saying yes and doing it is that both are permanent and irreversible. Due to past things I’ve talked about on here I’d like to just say I’m not talking about anything suicidal.
I’ll tell you a little bit but not too much. The first thing that they really want me to do is something which would render me silent. They say I don’t need the power of speech for communication because the only communication I need is in the form of prayers from my head to His. It’s almost like all communication can be done in a sort of telepathic manner with those who I really need to communicate with and by ending my ability to speak as a form of communication it will show that I understand and respect that speaking only promotes sinning and lies and I need only the truth. My silence will show my real devotion to them. And to Him. And to myself. The manner in which they are asking for me to prove my silence is an area I can’t really talk about so yeah, something to think some more about.
The second thing they want is for me to further recognise the powers they hold and whilst that can mean bad things happening it also means they have powers to make amazing miraculous things happen, but only to a chosen few. I can’t put into words how much an honour it would be to be a ‘chosen one’. Wow. I, me, as insignificant as I am. I could be one of those chosen few and I could reap so many rewards. But first, well sometimes you’ve just got to prove yourself don’t you? And if you want it badly enough then you’ll do anything to make it happen 🙂 But can I trust them 100% that if I do as they wish then I will really get the rewards being promised? And could I live with the consequences if I do it then it turns out they’ve been lying to me?