21:04 – A ‘chosen’ one? Me?

27 Feb

This little post might not make a great deal of sense but I just wanted to write something as I don’t like it when I don’t write for too long. The thing is that I could sit and write for the next hour about all the goings on within my head but I don’t feel at the moment that I can share it all. I fear something bad will happen if I talk about it and they won’t be happy either. An acceptable amount that I could say is that I have two big things that they need me to make some decisions about and they are getting at me because in their opinion I’m not truly devoted and proving that I don’t deserve the privileges they will bring to me in my life if I can’t do two simple things for them. The only thing that is preventing me from saying yes and doing it is that both are permanent and irreversible. Due to past things I’ve talked about on here I’d like to just say I’m not talking about anything suicidal.

I’ll tell you a little bit but not too much. The first thing that they really want me to do is something which would render me silent. They say I don’t need the power of speech for communication because the only communication I need is in the form of prayers from my head to His. It’s almost like all communication can be done in a sort of telepathic manner with those who I really need to communicate with and by ending my ability to speak as a form of communication it will show that I understand and respect that speaking only promotes sinning and lies and I need only the truth. My silence will show my real devotion to them. And to Him. And to myself. The manner in which they are asking for me to prove my silence is an area I can’t really talk about so yeah, something to think some more about.

The second thing they want is for me to further recognise the powers they hold and whilst that can mean bad things happening it also means they have powers to make amazing miraculous things happen, but only to a chosen few. I can’t put into words how much an honour it would be to be a ‘chosen one’. Wow. I, me, as insignificant as I am. I could be one of those chosen few and I could reap so many rewards. But first, well sometimes you’ve just got to prove yourself don’t you? And if you want it badly enough then you’ll do anything to make it happen 🙂 But can I trust them 100% that if I do as they wish then I will really get the rewards being promised? And could I live with the consequences if I do it then it turns out they’ve been lying to me?

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8 Responses to “21:04 – A ‘chosen’ one? Me?”

  1. i February 27, 2013 at 23:01 #

    Hmmm, not so many replies? I dont profess to be inside your head bit quite frankly….this is a load of bulls**t!

    The only one who tests us is ourself, we need to be true to ourself and all the mumbo jumbo of chosen one is crap! I think deep down you know it too but are scared to go against whats in your head….If they are so powerfull, all good and BAD ‘doing’ then if Im wrong let them send me a sign!! illk be waiting….

    You will rue the day you let your head rule your heart…… for in you there is a good heart but a mixed up head!

    Take care xx

    (plain speaking as all ways)

    • mycrazybipolarlife February 27, 2013 at 23:06 #

      “I chose you before I formed you in the womb; I set you apart before you were born'” (Jer. 1:5)

      “Then the LORD reached out His hand, touched my mouth, and told me: I have now filled your mouth with My words” (Jer. 1:9).

      “Do not be intimidated by them or I will cause you to cower before them” (Jer. 1:17). Immediate obedience is the only appropriate response when God calls.

      Has God called you? Then he will fulfill his purpose in you, he will equip you, he will enable you, he will protect you, he will accompany you. Are you obeying his commands? Then he is with you to protect you. Are you sharing the word? Then he will accomplish his purposes no matter how the people respond.

  2. Ms kay February 27, 2013 at 23:30 #

    It does sound very much like a manic episode in all honesty . Do you have an action plan to keep you safe while you think about things . I don’t usually comment but I think you really need to be safe while you think about things x

    • mycrazybipolarlife February 27, 2013 at 23:39 #

      Thank for commenting but I’m not manic, defintely not, I like to think of it as some sort of awakening if that makes sense x

      p.s. I’m going to take my time to think things through properly 🙂

      • Ms kay February 27, 2013 at 23:53 #

        Okay – take care x

  3. Natalia February 28, 2013 at 12:35 #

    Sorry for not commenting before but i really wanted to send you this link as i think it might help you. Have you heard of a spiritual crisis before? See this site for more info please. You are in UK right? http://www.spiritualcrisisnetwork.org.uk. Please read because i worried about you very much and you can send email to these people for them to help you.

    “Spiritual crisis is a turbulent period of spiritual opening or transformation. Spiritual crisis is also known as spiritual emergency, where a process of spiritual emergence, or awakening, becomes unmanageable for the individual. Psychological or mental health difficulties may be experienced: if understood and supported appropriately, these experiences can be deeply transformative, offering the possibility of breakthrough rather than breakdown.

    Ten top tips for surviving spiritual crisis

    1. A natural process: Remember that altered states of consciousness, psychic or spiritual experiences are natural aspects of being human. States where the boundaries between inner and outer worlds become looser can provide valuable opportunities for personal growth.

    2. Fear and Panic: These are common feelings at time of crisis. Try to relax and keep stress levels low. Take long slow outbreaths and remember that this stage will pass.

    3. Stay focused: Drifting or states where you are less focused on the everyday world will leave you more open to unusual experiences. This is a time to let go of intensive meditation or spiritual practice.

    4. Food: If eating is difficult, make sure you have regular fluid and nutritious snacks to keep your blood sugar levels up.

    5. Sleep: This may be difficult and disturbed. Don’t panic. Rest is almost as good as sleep. Reduce caffeine and other stimulants to ensure that you get as much rest as you can. And don’t worry, this phase will pass.

    6. Isolation: Keep in touch with people around you even if you do not feel like it. Isolation can lead you further into unshared reality and bizarre experiences (although beware of critical or judgemental people as toxic interactions and relationships can make everything worse).

    7. Stay grounded: Keep your feet on the ground – it is easy to get lost in your head. Bring yourself into the present moment – notice what you are experiencing now – your body, your breathing, what you can see and hear. Focus on tasks in the present.

    8. Sudden Decisions: Go slow with these right now. Our judgement can let us down at these times, so now might not be the time to end that significant relationship or make that important business or financial decision.

    9. Communication: Be careful what you say and to whom. It is easy to alarm other people without meaning to with disastrous consequences. If in doubt, keep quiet!

    10. Finding a meaning: Don’t worry if all this feels confusing right now. It will be easier to make sense of it all once the crisis has passed. There will be a meaning in there somewhere but finding it can take time and you may need to be patient. Take it easy on yourself!”

    • mycrazybipolarlife February 28, 2013 at 12:42 #

      Thanks for commenting. I’ve never heard of a spiritual crisis before but I like tips 7-10. I’ll have a look at the website you mentioned later xx

  4. sam July 17, 2013 at 05:23 #

    I too was told I am a chosen one, some cool stuff happened…..but mostly a lot of bad stuff has happened
    I’m sure god still is watching over it all

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