21:39 – Poorly dog update – he’s in critical condition :'(

5 Feb

This post might be a bit all over the place, rather like my head is at the moment. I think I’m in shock, I can’t stop crying, I can barely breathe through the tears.

This morning my poorly dog Charlie seemed happy and bright and alert. He enjoyed his morning walk and I truly thought when I took him along to the vets they would say he was looking much better after receiving extra medicines and IV fluids yesterday. But when we got to the vets surgery his temperature was still sky high and they decided to keep him in to run x-rays to see if anything showed up.

A couple of hours later the vet phoned me to say the x-rays had been done and they had found something that looked like a large stone in his stomach and that they needed to operate immediately. I told them to go ahead and do whatever needed to be done. I almost felt a sense of relief as we finally knew what the cause of him being so ill was. I thought it would be a simple operation of cutting him open, removing the stone and stitching him back up. But no, it was a million times worse, probably the worst scenario possible.

The stone – which was a stone off the ground that he had somehow swallowed was pretty big – at least an inch all the way round. How on earth did he manage to swallow something that size, that was completely solid without making any choking or gasping sounds??? And the thing is that Charlie is my dog who is always up to mischief and as a result of that he is always kept on a lead unless we’re in big open areas. The vet said he most likely swallowed it the day before he first started vomiting but because I was ill we were only going on short walks round the gardens across the road and yes he ran in and out of the bushes but at no point did I see him with anything in his mouth. It just doesn’t make sense…

The vet phoned to tell me that she found the stone lodged in his duodenum which I believe is the bit that connects the stomach to the bowel. It had torn the sides of the duodenum and caused adhesions to the pancreas, stomach and bowel. She had to cut a lot of tissue out and try to use other healthier bits of tissue to patch his duodenum back together. It was at that point she told me he was in critical condition and would be spending at least the next few days there. All I wanted to do was see him and cuddle him so I fought back the tears and asked if I could come in and see him just for a few minutes. He’d been on the operating table for around three hours and cut from just below his chest to the very bottom of his stomach, so they told me to be prepared that he wouldn’t look like his normal self as he was on strong pain relief and had only just started coming round from the general anaesthetic.  But they said it was OK for me to go in and see him for a few minutes.

I walked into the vet surgery and was taken into a room. The first thing the vet did was cuddle me. The staff who work there are lovely they are so passionate about animals and helping them and I could see the emotion in their faces as well. That was when it started to hit me and I said the words “is he going to be OK?” and the vet told me that it was the most complicated intestinal surgery she’d ever had to perform (and she is very well qualified) and she honestly didn’t know what his chances were of pulling through. She said she’d operated on dogs with less severe problems who haven’t made it and very gently said that there is a real chance he may not be able to survive this, it felt almost like she was trying to prepare me for what might not have a good outcome over the next few days.

Even if he can pull through the surgery we don’t know if he will suffer long term problems because of having such invasive surgery and so much tissue removed. For tonight I can only pray and pray that when I make my phone call first thing tomorrow morning they tell me he is still with us. I need him to be a little fighter, the thought of losing him is too much for me to deal with.

It feels like the cruellest blow after me spending so much time talking about death and dying recently. And with my baby’s anniversary in just 6 days time I really don’t know if I could cope with losing my precious fur baby as well. I know I still have my other little dog but they are both my babies and they have been there throughout everything… loving me unconditionally and wanting nothing but love in return. He is only 5 he is too young to be taken away. I have a sense of de-ja-vu – this is almost like losing my little boy – it also happened suddenly, was a complete shock and he was taken far too soon. I can’t lose another one of my babies, not yet, I need them as much as they need me.

I never ever knew how attached you could get to animals and before I owned a dog I used to think people were silly for getting so upset over losing a pet. I never understood how they somehow become part of the family. I never knew that you felt real love for them like you do a person. And I am in bits at the moment not knowing what’s going to happen.

I got to see him for a few minutes before I left the vet surgery. His eyes were closed and he had a few lines in with various drips. It was almost like what you would expect to see in a hospital’s intensive care unit, drips and machines and stuff. He was shaking really badly but they said that was just the effect of the anaesthetic and I stroked his ears gently. They left me alone with him for a couple of minutes (another sign that things are not good) and I whispered into his ear that I loved him and I needed him to hang on and put up a fight. He tried so hard to open an eye and just looked at me with such pain in his eyes, almost as if he knew how poorly he was. Then the silly thing tried to stand up when he saw me walking away so I went back and laid him down gently and told him to have a big sleep and I’d see him in the morning (I say that to both of them every night when I go to bed… I don’t care if it sounds stupid it’s just what I do…)

I am terrified I’m going to lose my fur baby. I don’t know how I’m going to get through tonight, I can’t see me being able to sleep. And I’m supposed to be seeing Mr Psychiatrist tomorrow and arranging to see lovely GP for another prescription but none of that really feels like it matters right now.

What also isn’t helping though is the voices still chattering on through all of this today. Earlier when I got home and fell into floods of tears they were so loud and I ended up screaming at the top of my voice for them to fuck off and leave me alone then broke down crying and shaking. I can’t deal with voices right now. I can’t think about anything other than my Charlie. I can’t stop thinking about him and wondering if he’s OK. I have my house phone and mobile phone by my side in case I get a call.

……….

and as if by magic I just typed that and my phone started ringing

………

Vet just called to give me an update, he’s still in a bad way but she lifted him out of his little sleeping area and he opened his eyes for a few minutes, did a little pee then she put him back in his bed. She could tell I was crying and was really lovely and gentle and kind and I know that my Charlie is getting the best care possible. She let me have a little cry down the phone then helped me to try and think positively and promised me that they would do everything in their power to help him get through this. I hope so much that he can.

For now I wait, hope and pray.

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4 Responses to “21:39 – Poorly dog update – he’s in critical condition :'(”

  1. Lottie February 5, 2013 at 22:04 #

    I truly hope little Charlie makes it through for you, your post made me cry a little….I dont have any animals, yet I could empathise with how you must be feeling (if only a little bit) and I don’t know how I’d cope if it was me…..my advise would be try to sleep, but I know that’s unlikely.tonight

    Im crossing everything for you and thinking of you

    (((hugs and love))) xxx

  2. The Quiet Borderline (back in hospital) February 6, 2013 at 04:45 #

    Ah. I wish Charlie a full and speedy recovery. I hope he’s doing OK X

  3. Keri February 7, 2013 at 08:18 #

    Poor love !!! I was the same with my cats… They are an extention of our family. !!! Sending you healing blessings and big hugs ! Xx

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