12:56 – Gym day and no motivation at all

23 Oct

I have gym in an hour from 2-3pm. I have absolutely no motivation at all to go. I know it will be fine when I get there but getting there is the problem. There are people in the stairway, I think they are painting or something, I can’t see them from my peep hole so they must be on the level above or below me. I feel panicky at the thought of having to walk past them. I also feel panicky about being in a group environment today; that’s kinda how the gym is, although we all do our work out’s individually there is a gym instructor who goes round “encouraging” us to do another five minutes and another five minutes.

I think I will take my iPod today, you can either listen to it as you work out or all the machines have a TV screen built into them so you can just plug your headphones in and watch some TV, but TV is crap mid-afternoon.

I am annoyed with myself because last night I caved in on my low carbing after 4 weeks of sticking rigidly to phase 1 of it, I end up eating a slice of cake last night. I bet I have put weight on since I last weighed myself on Thursday at the gym. One slice of cake has probably screwed up my weight loss over the past 3 or 4 days. I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

I really really really need to read uni stuff today, I am about a week behind, I realised yesterday I’m further behind than I thought. And I need to force myself to get back into the swing of daily studying but it is so damn hard when your head is going a million miles an hour and can’t seem to fit enough thoughts into a day let alone proper thoughts about how much I NEED to start reading those books or I am going to end up failing.

I have to go and walk the dogs and then go to the gym. Maybe after an hour’s work out I’ll be able to work out how I’m feeling – either more awake and able to do some studying and concentrate for a while – or more tired in which case I’m coming home to try and get a few hours sleep. I’m past caring what time of day it is that I get some sleep at, if I can sleep then I will. I avoided the supermarket completely yesterday because I just couldn’t face lots of people, so I just went to the local shop instead and because they don’t sell the types of food I need on Atkins, I decided I’d just have a big huge slice of cake instead. Very smart move…. not.

Blah it’s now 1.20pm and I have only forty minutes in which to have a shower, tie my hair back, put my gym clothes on, walk the dogs and then get to gym. I just cannot be bothered with anything today, I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’m just in a very irritable mood today.


One Response to “12:56 – Gym day and no motivation at all”

  1. The Quiet Borderline (back in hospital) October 23, 2012 at 18:42 #

    I know the feeling. The unmotivated feelings. It’s very difficult to get yourself going when depressed as we all know.

    I’m having an evening laying on my bed just playing on my iPhone and not in the living room socialising with others. Probably not the best thing to do but that’s what it is right now.

    I hope you got to the gym and had a good workout. X

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