The day has finally come where I am having my interview today to join the Child Befrienders as a volunteer. The co-ordinator lady who runs it all is coming quite a distance to meet and interview me and I am soooo nervous! I don’t know why, as I proved to myself I could interview without turning into a rambling mess for the Uni course and just recently my CPN did a pretend interview with me in preparation for today and said I done really well.
I know that if I take a little Diazepam before she comes that should take the edge off the anxiety and help me appear more relaxed. I think deep down my worry is that she might ask when the last time was that I had any sort of depressive episode and to be honest I think I’m still in one, hence all the self harming lately. And I’m scared that if she asks something like that then I will stumble and it be obvious that things haven’t actually been too great recently.
The thing is that I don’t want to lie to her, I was open and honest from our first telephone conversation that I do suffer from Bipolar Disorder but that I was now doing this Uni course and wanted to do some voluntary work which would be in the area of things that I would eventually like to have a career in; and child befriending is an absolutely ideal opportunity for me. I really truly hope that I have got all the self harm urges out of my system and that I will begin to stabilise out a bit again over the next few months – I won’t be able to start working as a befriender for a few months anyway as I will have to do some training and it takes a while for the Disclosure Check to come back. I also need to supply two references, my CPN is going to write one for me and I am going to ask a friend to write the other one (this is of course providing that I am accepted onto the next stage of the application).
The co-ordinator phoned me this morning to check today was still suitable and I said yes, but also reminded her that my flat is kind of mid-renovation at the moment and that by the time I would be volunteering with them I’m very much hoping I won’t even be living in this flat any more, and will instead be in a little one bedroom house in a quieter area nearby. So she asked me if I wanted her just to pick me up outside my flat and we could go to a little tea room or something and have a chat there, I said that would be great, it makes it all feel a little less informal and a more relaxed style of interview. Though I did say to her that if we needed somewhere more private to talk she was more than welcome to come to my flat and talk here, so long as she didn’t mind that things were a bit of a mess at the moment!
Gosh, my Dad will be so annoyed with me, he told me to get the living room and kitchen cleaned up, to wash my windows and make the place look as best as I could despite there being no flooring and various other things at the moment. He spent all weekend painting the bathroom for me so now every room in the flat has been freshly repainted. I even picked up a pretty bunch of flowers last night to put on the table to brighten things up a bit. But I get such anxiety at the thought of people coming into my flat and even though I intend to spend the next hour cleaning up just in case she does come up here, I’m kind of hoping we can just sit in a quiet café or something.
Relaxed atmosphere = relaxed me. Well as relaxed as I can be when I’m meeting someone new for the first time and knowing I’m getting interviewed! But I have spoken to her a few times on the phone now and she sounds really lovely, she is so friendly and easy to talk to on the phone so I’m hoping she will be the exact same in person. I just have to keep going over all the reasons in my head why I want to join their organisation and volunteer with them and keep remembering this is an opportunity to work with vulnerable young people and not only will I enjoy it and find it challenging but rewarding – it will also be something really good to put on my CV when I complete my Uni course.
So I have just under 3 hours in which to have a shower, get dressed, tidy and clean the living room and kitchen, walk the dogs and calm the fuck down!
In other stuff… last night I went to take my meds and realised there was an empty diazepam strip in the cupboard but no 300mg Quetiapine tablets. Somehow I have manage to throw out my last couple of Quetiapine instead of the empty diazepam strip. So last night I had 3 x 200mg Quetiapine and had to take two of them and cut the 3rd one in half so I could take my 500mg dose, so I phoned the GP surgery this morning and tried to explain to the receptionist that I now have no Quetiapine left and don’t collect my weekly prescription until Wednesday and could she please ask GP to prescribe me 2 x 200mg Quetiapine and 2 x 300mg Quetiapine for today and tomorrow. That was 2 hours ago that I called and she said she’d phone back asap and let me know.
I also phoned the local gym as it has now been over a week since I handed my form in and still haven’t got an induction session date and the receptionist said that she couldn’t find my referral form anywhere and the girl who I’d handed it into isn’t back until Wednesday. So she’s asked me to ask my GP for another copy of the form grr. Nothing can ever be straightforward can it!
Right I suppose I better get cleaning and stop messing around writing blog posts that has just wasted half an hour of cleaning time now that it’s almost 11.30am – she is coming at 2pm – I need to get a move on!
Wish me luck!
Little update – gp phoned me so got the medication situation sorted. She is also going to print off another copy of my gym referral form to hand in to them. Living room and kitchen half cleaned but already looking better. Nerves are really kicking in now so have taken a little break to gather my thoughts and have a couple diazepam. Only an hour and a half to go now and still to have a shower get dressed and walk dogs. Time to get moving again!