16:56 – And the imminent happens and then you feel even worse…

25 Sep

I knew it was going to happen. I can only be thankful I stopped myself from going so deep as to need stitches. Although one of them might need a couple, they all need glued, but I can’t face a&e. I know the scars are going to be really bad if I don’t get the wounds seen too, I also have nothing to properly clean them with, have just tied a bandage round and hoped I could pretend they had disappeared because I could no longer see them.

I know I’m going to have to take myself to a&e. I tried to tell best friend what I’d done with the hope she would offer to come with me or something. Instead, I got the response of, “you know that if you keep this up you will either end up sectioned again and/or not able to work with young people”. Then the obligatory “why did you do it?” and of course I had no answer except for “I lost control of things”. Then she went offline and now I don’t know whether to text her, whether to go to a&e by myself, whether to just leave the bandage on and pray these ones don’t get infected. I don’t know what to do.

It was supposed to give me a release. It was supposed to make me feel better. And now… I just feel even worse.

I wish I hadn’t told best friend. I wish I hadn’t told anyone. I wish I had kept it to myself. I wish I hadn’t done it. But it’s done now and I have to make the decision of whether to get medical help or not.

Confused. Feel like crap. Don’t know what to do.


3 Responses to “16:56 – And the imminent happens and then you feel even worse…”

  1. Ian September 25, 2012 at 18:05 #

    Do know what to do……. A+E please if you havenet already gone?

  2. mycrazybipolarlife September 25, 2012 at 18:22 #

    No I haven’t already gone, still can’t face it 😦

  3. mycrazybipolarlife September 25, 2012 at 18:26 #

    Oh… As soon as I wrote that best friend text to ask if I’d gone… I said no… She said she is free now and will come with me… I guess I should go then…

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