Well I went to see GP, she was in one of her lovely moods which is always nice. She asked how things had gone with Mr Psychiatrist and CPN this week. I told her the meeting with Mr Psychiatrist was completely unproductive and everything he said about me ‘game playing’ by not telling the full truth to everyone and even she pulled a face and said “MCBL, I pick and choose how much information to tell my friends and family about things in my life, everyone does, you certainly aren’t game playing at all, I have no idea why he said that” so that made me feel a bit better that both she and CPN think he’s talking a lot of nonsense.
I asked her to look at the wound on my leg – and sorry this is totally gross – but when she took the dressing off it was covered in horrible pus at one end, gaping open, smelt disgusting and she said it was well and truly infected. This is the first time in 17 years of self harming I have ever got a proper bad infection in a wound and I don’t know how it’s happened because I’ve been having it checked, cleaned, clean dressings put on etc. So I’m now on antibiotics for the next week and she got the practice nurse to clean it and put another dressing on for me after I had finished my appointment with her.
I took the box of Soy Isoflavones with me and asked her what she thought about them. She said she didn’t think they would do me any harm but not to take them every day, to take the Provera which gives me a bleed then to take the Soy on days 3-7 of my period and then see if I get a period naturally after about a month. If I don’t then she has given me 3 months worth of Provera to take to bring on a period and then take the Soy. If I want to, on month 3 I can go and have bloods taken on day 21 of my cycle and they will show if I have ovulated by myself and if the Soy is doing anything to help. She said to give it 3 months, I told her about starting the gym and my plans to low carb again, she said low carb was OK but not no carb i.e. Atkins… and instead to try and follow a low GI diet as it would still be effective but healthier.
I mentioned the Melatonin and she told me that it could be an option if my sleeping continues to be crappy but that she would be hesitant to prescribe it as it has been known to cause delusions in people with mental health problems. Anyway, she said for just now I was on quite enough medication – my normal 3 meds – quetiapine, mirtazapine and diazepam – plus a week of antibiotics for the next week – plus the Provera for 10 days each month plus the Soy for 5 days each month!
So she said to have the wound checked again in 7 days either at a&e or by the practice nurse, to go back and see her in 2 weeks time to let her know how I’m getting on with the Mirtazapine and see if I want it increased or not. I explained all the staff changes and things at the mental health team and she said if I needed any support during it all to remember she is always there. That’s why I like her, she never makes me feel like I’m being a pest! She asked what was happening with regards to the staff changes and I told her I had one more appointment with CPN next week (and also told her that social worker is supposed to be at it and why I’d like her to be there and how awkward everything feels with her at the moment – GP said it was a shame things had turned out like this because when GP became my new GP 3 years ago social worker regularly came to appointments with me and GP said she had always seemed so supportive of my care)… anyway as I was saying… so I told her we have that appointment next week then I’m seeing a different social worker for a few weeks then I meet permanent new CPN and from there will probably just work with her.
So GP said everything sounded good, I seemed more positive than last week, she was happy I hadn’t bought any more pills to stockpile and hoped I could keep the self harm urges under control. The appointment went well, the only thing I got a little bit of a ticking off for was when GP commented that my psoriasis was looking a lot better and I admitted I’ve been using the sunbeds for 2 minutes twice a week…oops… but it is working and I’m being very careful to stick to only 2 minutes at a time, the last thing I want is skin cancer and being fair skinned I burn really easily as well so she said just be very careful but she would much rather I got proper UV light treatment through the dermatologist at big scary hospital.
After my appointment I went to the gym and handed in my referral letter, unfortunately there was no receptionist there and the only member of staff around was foreign so she didn’t really understand what I was talking about when I told her about the free gym membership through your GP, so I left the letter with her and wrote my phone number on it and she said she would get someone to phone me on Monday.
I then collected my antibiotics and decided I couldn’t be bothered with the supermarket today so just grabbed a tub of that cold pasta stuff (and a chocolate bar – my bad) while I was in the garage topping up my electricity.
The dogs got a short walk but it’s still early and still dry so I have time to take them a big one later and I still have a bit of uni work to do but other than that I have managed to do almost everything on my list for today. Oh and my new shower is ace! It was so so nice and warm and feels so good to be nice and clean again!
I’m not sure what to do with myself tonight besides walk the dogs. Watch the soaps from 7-9pm then there isn’t much on after that, Friday nights and Sunday nights are always pretty boring. I’ve actually got quite a sore head and could do with just having a little lie down for an hour… I think I may do that…
Have a nice night everyone