00:31 – Where’s my head at…??

24 Aug

Up down, up down, all over the bloody place, then seemingly sane again for a moment, no matter how brief. I have been very argumentative today, I picked a fight with best friend because I was pissed off that she is spending so much time with her other friend and we had made plans for today which she then cancelled yet still managed to spend time with this other friend. So I told her I felt left out, second best, always the one she turns to when she needs help with the kids or needs a favour…. no longer the one she has fun with… that’s the other friend’s job it would seem. They go out every single weekend drinking. Best friend is a single mum of a 1 year old and a 3 year old. Personally I don’t think it’s right that she finds a babysitter and goes out drinking every Saturday night. It doesn’t matter if it’s only £20 she takes out, it’s the principle of it. She chose to be a mother, she chose to do it single handedly. For the 1 year old it’s different, he’s already in bed by the time she goes out, but the 3 year old has different people putting him to bed every weekend. I can’t explain it, I just don’t think it’s right. I don’t expect to go out every weekend, I go out maybe once a month because that’s all I can afford and because I try not to fuck my head up too much with alcohol on top of my meds. Is any of this making sense? Probably not. Am I just jealous of the other friendship she has? Probably a bit, yes.

So we argued, by text then face to face. This led to me being in full on grumpy bitch mode for the rest of the afternoon. I spent way too much money today and get no more for a fortnight but I paid four bills and had to buy one of the dogs a new lead as he had one of those flexi-leads and managed to snap the cord on it so I got him the halti training lead so he has a little bit of distance/freedom but is still firmly attached to me. Temperamental little shit that he is (and a lovable little shit too as he is lying here with his face curled into my side snoring away).

I met up with my brother and his girlfriend this evening and we went to the fair. It is here for the weekend and was mainly full of teenagers but we got to behave like big kids and it perked my mood back up again. We only went on three rides but omg I was nearly sick by the end. One was like a ferris wheel but in swinging cages that spin round and round as the big wheel goes round so you’re upside down at the top of a big wheel and stuff! Me and my brother’s girlfriend went on that one and I seriously thought she was going to be sick all over the place!

It was a bit like this, I know the photo looks tame but when it’s going fast and your swinging round and round it certainly doesn’t feel it!

Then all three of us went on one where you all sit in a line and it throws you way up in the air, a magic carpet style ride like this one:


Then lastly we went on a ride similar to the sticky walls ride where everyone sits round in a big circle (with nothing holding you in, you are just sitting on a seat) and it spins so fast you stick to the side then it tilts away up on each side – wayyy to much spinning and three very close to puking stomachs by the end of it!

Anyway that passed some time this evening and put me back into a better mood. I came home and walked the dogs then put my pj’s on and watched a bit of TV. Then as soon as I had taken my antibiotics and meds I started to feel so sick, I don’t know if it was from the rides or the medication. Anyway I took an Omeprazole to try and calm the sick feeling down but that was way over an hour ago and I still feel pretty rough.

I’m feeling frustrated that I can’t sleep even though I feel very tired. I have been lying in the dark since 11pm and it’s now 12.50am so almost two hours. I think my body is trying to tell me that it’s not feeling very well, I think I am likely to be sick pretty soon then maybe I’ll begin to feel a bit better. I’ve been being sick and feeling sick a lot lately with all these tablets I’m on and my body just doesn’t seem to tolerate antibiotics at all. Never mind, nearly finished, I think I’ve just got tomorrows lot to take and then they are finished.

Well that was an awful lot of words considering I didn’t really think I had much to say for myself. My little town gets very busy this weekend as we have the annual highland games event on, I usually look forward to it but this year I really can’t be bothered with it. I enjoy the fireworks display on Saturday night and I enjoy watching some of the pipe bands, especially the ones with the little kids in them, they always look so cute carrying big drums and stuff!

Well that’s 1am now, time to try and sleep again. I have no idea what tomorrow has in store, hopefully a peaceful day of rest just me and the doggies and maybe a nice walk somewhere.


3 Responses to “00:31 – Where’s my head at…??”

  1. Flabbergasted Mom August 25, 2012 at 00:57 #

    Try some ginger ale and saltine crackers. And of course you are a bit jealous if you are being made the responsible friend instead of the fun one though part of that might be because your friend knows you don’t approve of her choices. Or because she knows you can’t afford to do it. All you can do is talk to her about it and then figure out whether or not you want to continue with your friendship the way it is now.

  2. showard76 August 25, 2012 at 10:39 #

    I want to present you with the ‘Strong Person’ award you can read the details here – http://showard76.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/strong-person-award/

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