Yipee! It has been beautiful sunshine all day so me, best friend and the kids and her other friend with her van full of kids all decided to go to the beach for a barbecue. I took a change of clothes with me and although I wasn’t stripping down to tiny little shorts like they all had on (I don’t show my scarred legs off!) I just kept a pair of leggings on and a top. We went out in the water right up past our waists, I so wanted to start swimming but it was just a teensy bit too cold for that. The dogs came too and enjoyed splashing around in the water and they even got a sausage each and some ice cream (they are spoilt rotten!)
The kids all had a great time, it was a bit chaotic as there was so many of them, but we all had good fun and I’m shattered now. The sun always tires me out! This is a photo of the beach:
Another thing that’s been happening in my life is that I’ve kind of met someone. I got talking to a guy online on Sunday and we have just totally clicked. We are so similar in so many ways and both of us have “history’s” or “past’s” but we are also both at a point in our lives where we are trying to do things to make life better. We are both starting Uni courses next month and whilst my background is mental health, psychiatric hospitals, sections, self harm and a bit of dabbling in drugs, he is an ex-alcoholic and ex-drug user who has been clean for a few years now. He is such a positive person and we haven’t stopped speaking since Sunday, we are constantly on Skype talking via webcam or texting or speaking on the phone. I feel a connection with him and he says he does with me as well. I’m not getting in over my head, I know we have only just ‘met’ but there is something about him where I don’t want to wait weeks or months talking online, I want to meet him in person as soon as possible, which is so unlike me. So we have decided to meet on Thursday and go on our first ‘date’. I’m really excited and nervous, as is he, but I have a really good feeling about it. I think we are going to get on really well and I think he would be a good person to have in my life. He is very much of the attitude of living for the day and believing in yourself, in fact it was him who sent me the videos I posted earlier.
So things have picked back up again after the extreme lows that led up to Saturday night’s hospital visit. I have an appointment with Mr Psychiatrist tomorrow and am still going to tell him about the lows but mostly things are feeling good again. Even if it’s only temporary I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts. Don’t get me wrong, it is hard. It’s not coming naturally to me to be kind to myself, it would be so much easier to be negative about everything, those feelings come all too easily. But the thing is that I want to change, I want to get better, I want to recover and I want to have a future. Those are feelings I haven’t had in a very long time and I so hope that they last.