22:02 – In the end, it will be the memories that kill me

9 Jul

Very low. Suicidal is a possibility. Have taken a fair amount of medication and feeling woozy. Want to give up but want to go to a gig on Thursday night that cost £50 for the tickets. But I think I want to give up more. I see I actually have 4 boxes of 32 paracetamol in the cupboard and some anti emetics but what’s the point? To end up on a parvolex drip? Fuck that shit.

If I still feel like this tomorrow fuck knows how things will end up. Badly I should imagine. Fucking head is crazy, this shit is never going to go away.


6 Responses to “22:02 – In the end, it will be the memories that kill me”

  1. fearlessanalyst July 9, 2012 at 22:21 #

    I sure hope you’ll decide to hang around and find out what your life will be like down the road — It always amazes me to look back and think how “me” at 30, and me at 40 would not believe the way my life is now, at 70. I’m more alive than I was decades ago, and fulfilled, and challenged, and finally having an impact on my world. I know you can too, because you’re such an articulate and feeling person. And you really will learn how to develop some ‘inner peace’ too. It’s just hard to believe where you’re at now. I think you’d be a great loss.

    • The Quiet Borderline (back in hospital) July 11, 2012 at 15:58 #

      That’s pretty cool. Thanks for the hope that you bring.

      • fearlessanalyst July 12, 2012 at 14:38 #

        It’s hard to remember back to earlier decades when I felt there was no reason to live…..

  2. Gledwood July 10, 2012 at 19:33 #

    Think twice before ODing on paracetamol: it is NOT a nice, or reliable, way to die!

    • mycrazybipolarlife July 11, 2012 at 09:26 #

      I know, I’ve been there and done that in the past. I only mentioned them because I was feeling so desperate at the time of writing and they were what I had lots of in the house. I doubt I would take another paracetamol OD, at least not on it’s own anyway. You’re right it is certainly not a reliable way to die.x.

  3. The Quiet Borderline (back in hospital) July 11, 2012 at 15:57 #

    Damn damn damn. Really sorry to hear this. It’s not good. Obviously. Is there someone you can talk to you to speak about your suicidal thoughts?

    Worry about you. 😉

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