22:34 – The one (and only) appt with new GP

18 Apr

I have lost count how many hours I’ve been awake for now, but I know it is too many. I haven’t had a single nap all day and have taken a fair amount of diazepam/sleeping pills. I felt a bit drowsy around 2pm while waiting on my addictions nurse to come round and when I looked in the mirror I really did look a bit of a mess. So just as I’m slapping on some make-up my phone started ringing and it was my addictions nurse; she had been feeling ill all morning and had decided to go home. She was very apologetic about it so I wasn’t annoyed or anything.

I met my best friend with her kids for a little while, her 3 year old is a ‘big boy’ now because he has started nursery! It’s so cute, they all have their little coat hangers with a picture and their name on it. He couldn’t get me in the door fast enough to show me his hanger was the one with the dolphin on it! Bless!

Later in the afternoon I went to my GP appointment. By this point all the sleepy/anxiety pills had worn off and I felt completely shattered. I arrived 10 minutes early and took a seat in the waiting room. My appointment was for 4.10pm. Finally at 4.45pm I was called through, she is a new doctor and to be honest she didn’t seem to have a bloody clue what she was doing! She asked what she could do for me and I quickly told her I try and touch base with my GP once a month and get my monthly prescriptions (which are dispensed weekly) so she said that was fine and brought my medication details on screen.

40mg Citalopram a day? Yes!

8mg Diazepam a day? No! 16mg!

200mg Quetiapine a day? No! 300mg! Then I tell her the Quetiapine has to be increased by 50mg a fortnight. So she goes off into my virtual file and looks for a letter from my consultant psych confirming this. She can’t find the letter. She isn’t happy prescribing the Diazepam when she couldn’t tell if it meant ‘take 2 two times a day’ or ‘take 2 four times a day’. It’s the latter.

She randomly asked how I was and I bet she wished she hadn’t as out poured everything about Satan and how I will be branding myself with him tomorrow (tattoo day, yay!) and telling her about all the self harming and bible quotes I have carved all over myself. She actually looked a bit speechless. Then she asked me to go back to the waiting room as she wasn’t writing my prescription until she had spoken to my usual GP.

Now remember I arrived at 4pm, was seen at 4.45pm, come back to waiting room at 5.05pm and sit… and wait…

Finally at 5.40pm the GP called me back through and apologised for the mix up. I had also asked her to ask lovely GP if I could have something to help me sleep at the moment and she gave me 8 tablets. Not much but hopefully over the next 3/4 nights of taking them I will be able to sleep for more than just a few hours at a time.

I think that will be my one and only experience with new GP. I will just stick to lovely GP who has always made me feel like somehow things might just be OK one day. As has lovely social worker, but she is in hibernation again I think. I hope she is going to come to my first appointment with new CPN on Wednesday to help break the ice a little.

I took one of the sleeping pills about an hour ago and so far feel nothing. My body is like a tank against anything benzo related I tell you. I’m going to take a second one and a few diazepam and with any luck I will sleep until morning and not be up blogging at 5am!

I am meeting best friend for lunch tomorrow. It would be really nice if it all goes to plan, that I wake up on time and get ready in time and make it to the cafe in time! Three such simple things really can be so fucking hard.

P.S. I just published this post (my 575th if you’re interested!) and got this little quote, isn’t it lovely?

‘Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you.’  Marsha Norman


2 Responses to “22:34 – The one (and only) appt with new GP”

  1. justdifficult April 19, 2012 at 03:00 #

    hmm. Benzo tolerance is a real thing after a while. Perhaps you could discuss with lovely GP – there are other drugs to help sleep.


  2. The Quiet Borderline April 20, 2012 at 10:59 #

    Looks like I wasn’t the only one with HGP-seeing issues this week! Totally annoying!

    Hope your meds are being on their way to get sorted out,

    The Quiet Borderline

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