05:55 – So much for knocking me out

18 Apr

The good news: the mix of medication finally kicked in and I got to sleep about 1am. The bad news: I have been up for the past hour playing stupid games on facebook and it’s only 5.50am just now. So I got about 3 hours sleep after a ridiculous amount of sleeping tablets. Blah.

The voices woke me this morning, I was grabbing onto something in my dream and my fingers were losing their grip. Then I realised I was waking. Then that it was Satan laughing at me. He has friends, I am not the only one, but he has only recently started talking to them as well. But like he treats them nice compared to how he treats me. Perhaps they have completed all their initiation tasks.

As it’s almost 6am and I am wide awake I think I will take the dogs a walk and then phone my GP surgery when they open at 8.30am. I need to get more medication and I was just going to hand in the form requesting a repeat prescription so I didn’t have to see her, but, I need my Quetiapine increased badly so I will have to go.

Addictions nurse woman is coming at 2pm – I’m not 100% sure of why I’m actually seeing her. Relapse prevention work apparently, but knowing she is an ex-psych nurse means we spend more time talking about me being safe (mentally) rather than at risk of substance misuse. I know she isn’t the right person to help me though, it’s not her job to help with mental health stuff. The CMHT should have at least sent me a letter by now offering me an appointment with my new CPN. But they haven’t, because my name is probably away down at the bottom of some list for the forgotten about people.

I’d like to go and try to knock myself out for another couple of hours, I’m still pretty tired, but I am crap at waking up to alarms and have no prescribed/proper medication left. So I will go and see what exciting shit is on the TV at this time of the morning.

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One Response to “05:55 – So much for knocking me out”

  1. The Quiet Borderline April 20, 2012 at 10:43 #

    Tough tough tough, I’m sorry.

    I hope you can get your medications sorted out better so that you don’t have to self-medicate.

    All the best,

    THe Quiet Borderline
    http:quietbpd.wordpress.com/

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