23:23 – Another fuck up today

20 Mar

I didn’t go to either of my appointments with the psychiatrist or CPN today. My Mum text me to ask if I wanted her to come with me and I didn’t reply. Tomorrow I have to arrange a repeat prescription, well I should really have done it today but my mind has been completely preoccupied with other things. Anyway I only have medication until tomorrow morning and then I’m all out. I’m hoping if I wake up early I can just go into the surgery and request one without actually having to see my GP.

I do like my GP, she is always lovely to me, but she will ask why I haven’t attended appointments and will want to know what’s going on in my head and I really don’t think I am able to talk about it with her. How do I explain to her everything that’s happening, the way people are able to read my thoughts and are delivering my thoughts to both the Lord and the devil so that I feel the full wrath of them. I don’t know how to tell her that I am now trying my best to shun the devil and obey the Lord and His Angels but I am a bad person, the devil reminds me of this repeatedly and he tells me he will win me over, he will make me just like him, filled with fury knowing that my time too is short.

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5 Responses to “23:23 – Another fuck up today”

  1. Kimmie bipolarparent March 20, 2012 at 23:39 #

    Oh hun, I wish I could do more but all I can do is send you a hug xxxx

  2. Blusike March 21, 2012 at 11:48 #

    I wish I could tell you something that would help. Try speaking about it all to someone you can trust. Take Care.

  3. The Quiet Borderline March 21, 2012 at 17:18 #

    Pretty please call out for and seek the help you are much deserving of. You are not an evil person, you deserve only good.

    Be kind to yourself.

    The Quiet Borderline
    http://quietbpd.wordpress.com/

  4. Galloway Wanderer March 21, 2012 at 18:06 #

    Bad Person?

    Who says?

    Not us….

    you are a truly GOOD person to whom bad things have happened, through no fault of yours and…

    YOU are the one punishing yourself.

    Look beyond the inner mind which seems hell bent on self torture and reach out to the ones who truly care for you…and YOU care for too. xxx

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. This Week in Mentalists – The Bumper Daylight Savings Edition « This Week in Mentalists - March 25, 2012

    […] Crazy Bipolar Life has been having a hard week. On Tuesday, she detailed a particularly gruelling day. I do like my GP, she is always lovely to me, but she will ask why I haven’t attended […]

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