I am a tired girl! My Mum came down early this afternoon and we spent the next three hours scrubbing work surfaces in the kitchen, scrubbing the floor throughout the flat, generally trying to make it look a bit more presentable! I’ve still got a good bit of tidying up to do but I have to admit it does make you feel better when you can look at a nice clean kitchen instead of one overflowing with dishes because you’ve got into such a mess you don’t know where to start.
I’ve got a lot of appointments this coming week, two tomorrow both at the drug and alcohol place, I really hope they will be proud of me for not using all weekend when they knew how triggering it would be for me. I have an appointment with the addictions nurse first and then my counselling session afterwards. When Mum was here today we had a chat about my use of heroin and she told me that much as she and my Dad love me if I start using heroin they won’t have me in their house because they wouldn’t be able to trust that I wouldn’t steal from them or something. It sounded extreme to hear but I see where they are coming from, had I continued on the path I was on then I would have become a ‘junkie’ and I no doubt would have behaved like one in time as well.
Mum says she just wants her daughter back and she hopes that me putting a needle into my arm was me at my rock bottom so that now the only way is up. I hope she is right. I do feel positive about starting the counselling and I want to give my Mum her daughter back again. Equally, I want my life back for me. I’ve spent so much energy in destroying my body that I can’t help but wonder if I put the same energy into getting my life back where I might be now.
And there’s only one way to find out… 🙂