17 Jan

Why was ur own family not good enough for u? Why did u have to take mine? We were about to get married our flat was for sale whilst we viewed houses to find our perfect little family home. Im not stupid i know it was just as much his fault as yours. Obviously you were both unhappy in ur relationships so sought comfort in each other. Its been almost 3 years since we broke up and almost 5 since our angel went to heaven. You have destroyed me but maybe that’s because i let you. Look at me now, you have your perfect little family unit and im in a psychiatric hospital. I’ve been here more times than i care to remember. I slice my skin open and try to end my life on a regular basis. Why? Because it helps with my feelings of emptiness and despair. I don’t get how it all works either. You’ll never read this but for what its worth i fucking loved u with all my heart and that’s why so much time nay have passed but i can’t move on. I don’t love u anymore but i do love our angel, yes ours, not mine. I would do anything for one more minute with him, there is so much i wish i had said and done that day. But that day has passed and you have gone, my wedding dress still remains in my mums house, my engagement ring in the drawer. I often wonder how you will propose to her, maybe you already have? You see, you have a life and you left mine so completely shattered that 3 years later im still picking up the pieces. You won’t understand that because you went straight from me to her. I often wonder how you would have reacted if things were the other way around? Some things i guess I’ll never know the answer to but i wish i knew why you had to destroy our little family, break hearts and promises, humiliate me, leave me completely fucked up. I just have one question, one word…why?


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