03:39 – Hello again insomnia

29 Dec

My sleeping has been dreadful over the past week or so. I don’t know what’s going on but it doesn’t seem to matter what time I wake up or how much sleep I get, I still can’t fall asleep at night. Last night I was up til stupid o clock. It’s the middle of the night just now and here I am wide awake. I have no cigarettes left and it’s driving me mad. I live in the middle of nowhere, the very earliest a shop opens is 7am. That’s 3 hours and 20 minutes away. I have taken way over my daily prescribed Diazepam to try and help but it’s doing nothing either. I think I’m immune to the bloody stuff now.

I’ve tried going and lying in my bed. I’ve tried listening to my iPod, relaxation tracks, mindfulness ones, soft music… but I just toss and turn. My brain doesn’t want to switch off even though my body does. My eyes are sore, they want rest but I can’t seem to give them that.

Argh. Why can’t I just be like all the normal people whose houses I can see with lights off? Why am I the only flat in the street with my lights still on? Now I can guess what will happen, I’ll finally fall asleep about 6am, the diazepam will be in my system and I won’t wake up in time for my appointment in the morning. Or if I do wake up and go to it I’ll wish I hadn’t because I’ll be in a world of my fucking own.

Insomnia, I hate you.

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2 Responses to “03:39 – Hello again insomnia”

  1. The Quiet Borderline December 29, 2011 at 07:41 #

    Insomnia sucks. I hear ya.

    When is your next psychiatrist appointment? Maybe you can be prescribed with something to help you sleep. I take Immovane x 2 each night for insomnia and it helps somewhat. Just can’t get rid of the early wake ups still. Hopefully that will sort out over time.

    I sincerely hope that the other meds are starting to help you.

    Take care and look after yourself.

  2. Kansas Sunflowers January 3, 2012 at 02:15 #

    I get insomnia too. It used to be terrible, but now I fall asleep when I go to bed, only to wake up in the middle of the night and not able to go back to sleep. Like you, my mind just doesn’t shut off. Nothing works and I get out of bed.

    With all the medication there is, why can’t our freaking minds shut off at night? Is that too much to ask? : )

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