12:56 – Dear Santa

1 Dec



Dear Santa,

All I’d like for Christmas is one more hold of my baby boy.

In February it will be five years since I had to say goodbye, almost five years with no cuddles and too much pain, almost five years with empty arms. I so desperately want to touch his skin again, count his little fingers and toes, give him a soft kiss on his forehead.

I want to blow raspberry’s on his tummy and hear his laugh. I never even heard his laugh or his cry. I want to make him laugh so much his little toes curl up and his legs kick about all over the place. In my dreams I can only imagine how ‘Mama’ might have sounded, in my dreams is the only place I can be with him again.

Today I am going to decorate my little man’s stone for Christmas, that’s all I can do for him now, keep his little stone all pretty and I will make it the prettiest stone ever.

Santa, I miss him so much, please make sure you visit him in Heaven and give him and all the angel babies lots and lots of toys for their angel’s playground. But, if I could have one more cuddle, it would make all my Christmas dreams come true.



4 Responses to “12:56 – Dear Santa”

  1. Pandora December 1, 2011 at 14:27 #

    Oh lovely. I wish I knew what to say. My heart fucking breaks for you 😦

    I really can’t think of anything here, but please know that you’re in my thoughts and that I’m sending you as much love as a comment box can contain.

    *many, many hugs*

    Pan xxx

  2. The Quiet Borderline December 1, 2011 at 15:42 #

    Thinking of you xx

  3. The Bipolar Project December 1, 2011 at 19:34 #

    My love to you

  4. sarah k December 1, 2011 at 21:43 #

    All my love to u huni. Thinking of u.
    Huge hug,

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