After Monday’s review I said I wanted to come home. I still want to do the EMDR therapy but they have said I’ve got to have a couple of months of complete stability and then they will refer me for it. So my aim is to get to the New Year without any major mishaps but I have a feeling it’s going to be hard work. My first proper day at home – yesterday – was hard work. Just spending six hours in my best friend’s company really took it out of me and made me see how easy life is in hospital.
I feel OK being home. I have my support worker at 3.30pm today so at least I feel as though I have some sort of support. I think they are planning to set me up with a CPN as my social worker is quite simply too busy and my psychology work is going to have to go on hold until she has had her baby. She said she is going on maternity leave in February and will be back to work the following February. Am I going to do any sort of psychological work in the next 18 months or so? Who knows.
I know I can’t work with someone whilst watching their bump grow it would just be a total headfuck. I also don’t really want a cpn. I feel as though my care team has fallen apart. But I’m trying not to think about it in that way and just wait and see what happens.
It’s too early in the morning to write any more than this, I’m tired and don’t think I got enough sleep so I am going to try and get back to sleep for a bit. I only got up early to try and make an appointment with my GP but she is on holiday until Monday.
My Crazy Bipolar Life 
Good that you are home. Please be pushy about getting more support in the meantime though. It really is the case that who shouts loudest, gets, however unfair that is.
Are there any voluntary group activities (not the famous basket weaving!) you could get involved with? Sounds like you need structure to your day. I would avoid groups that are specifically for mentalists like us, because you need to focus on living and not on your illness, or anyone else’s.
This might help the two month marker pass more quickly and keep you more stable, and will keep you buoyant while you have therapy. might also help to challenge your nascent agorphobia to piss off too! Have a think. I’m sure that a little light occupation that isn’t heavy on expectations would be helpful.
Big kiss and good that you are looking forwards again. Go for it!
X
I’m jealous!
I’m still in hospital and getting nowhere fast in coming out.
Congratulations. I hope that you get all of the support you need and continue the path to getting better.
Take care,
The Quiet Borderline
http://quietbpd.wordpress.com/
Glad you’re out of there, it’s not a good place to be. I hope you can find some sort of stability in the next few months, ’cause i think the therapy would be a great start for you. Also, why don’t you want a cpn? I had a social worker before, and he was always so busy (out sectioning people and such, he was an AMHP) but when he decided he couldn’t work with me any longer I was assigned a CPN, and she’s LOVELY, like i actually love her, she’s so helpful and just great to chat to, even though I was wary and a bit guarded first. She encourages me to stay well and helped me face my fears of going to college, and now she just praises me and cheers me on! She’s great! 🙂 xxx
Welcome home 🙂 x