Hospital Diary 8 of 10 (From Friday 16th September)

26 Sep

It’s around 4pm and I’m bored out of my mind. I really can’t handle this at all. I saw Mr Psychiatrist today and decided that honesty was the best policy. Apparently that was wrong of me because my 24/7 obs are going to continue all weekend until my review on Monday. I want out of here so badly but there is no point in trying to do a runner when you have someone shadowing you every minute of the day. I feel as though I’m in a goldfish bowl or the big brother house or something. 

I’ve had a very emotional day, crying pretty much non stop. A new woman was in the bed next to me when I woke up this morning, clearly in a psychotic episode and I totally broke down because she was moved as soon as she woke up into a private room (which I’ve been asking for all fucking week).

Mr Psychiatrist has now increased my Quetiapine/Seroquel to 750mg a day. That’s the max dose he is going to prescribe so I really hope it is going to make a change or I’m going to have to start from scratch on a new med. Although personally I would prefer to leave it at 750mg and try upping my Lamotrigine/Lamictal dose next. Tried asking psych for something to help me sleep at night but he says if I’m taking 300mg Quetiapine in the morning and 450mg at bed time I should sleep better and he wants me to try that first. I do also get a small amount of diazepam throughout the day but it really only helps with the anxiety of being so far from home – the agoraphobia stuff. 

I’m feeling pretty gutted at the moment ‘cos my Mum and my best friend were due to be coming up to visit me tomorrow and now I’ve been told that I’m going to be on obs all weekend so I won’t be allowed off the grounds. It’s too far to travel to come and see me and only be allowed metres from the building. 

Something is going to happen tonight. I can feel the anger rising and the aggressiveness kicking in, I fucking hate this place. As they say on “I’m a celebrity” – GET ME OUT OF HERE!!

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