So… I met best friend at the sexual health clinic at 9.30am. I was in a bit of a mess, my stomach was in knots, I felt sick with nerves and we arrived to find a full waiting room of young people. I went to the reception desk and handed over my “priority pass” card I’d been given last week so that I could queue jump and we were told to take a seat. As we sat down I really started to panic, thinking that I was going to have to sit and wait for all these people to be seen before they would call me through. Best friend could see the anxiety in my face and started chatting away about all sorts of random things, I guess to try and distract me a bit.
Thankfully they didn’t leave us waiting for too long – maybe ten or fifteen minutes before the doctor called me through. She didn’t give me any eye contact and went over to the other side of the room to get a second chair for best friend to sit on. This of course made me start thinking “shit, shit, shit, she is getting us all sat down to gently break it to me”. I tried looking at her computer screen but it was tilted just enough that all I could see was ‘tive‘ all the way down the page. I couldn’t see if they started with ‘posi‘ or ‘nega‘.
The doctor asked if I was OK as I was clearly panicking a fair bit and I rambled about not having slept properly, about how scary and stressful the past seven days have been and how I knew “my result is positive, I just know it”. She looked at me and smiled gently then turned the computer screen round to face me and my eyes read down the screen:
Chlamydia – Negative
Gonorrhoea – Negative
Syphilis – Negative
Hepatitis B – Negative
HIV – NEGATIVE
I almost cried with relief. It took me a few minutes to take in what she was saying, it was as though my head was refusing to believe her at first. I could hear her saying something about how I could go home and catch up on some sleep now and how it must be such a weight off my shoulders. She said she was so happy for me that we now know 100% that the damage left behind from that bastard who spiked and assaulted me is purely emotional scarring and no physical ones. I thanked her repeatedly and as we left and walked along the corridor to leave the hospital best friend gave me a big hug. I told her I felt like I had been given a second chance (at life) and I really do mean that. I would have posted before now but best friend and I went out for a nice lunch and then I went out to see the kids for a little while.
In hindsight I wish I had never waited so long to have the blood tests done. That’s been ten long months since the assault and I could have put my mind to rest and spared myself a lot of worry and anxiety if I had just done it six months ago. I will never ever put myself in that situation again – if I have a worry I will not consult Dr Google – I’ll just bloody go and get myself checked!
One last thing I wanted to say. As you all know these past 7 days have been hellish. But during the last week I did make some plans. If the result had come back positive for HIV there is a very high chance I would have done something stupid to myself. I think I would have just completely freaked and went absolutely bonkers. However I also made a plan for what I would do if I was lucky enough for the results to come back negative. Some people may think my plans sound a bit stupid so I’m not going to talk about them on here just yet (partly because I haven’t made up my mind for definite) but more so because today – the 18th of June 2013 is a HAPPY DAY and I don’t want to have to get into any debates over whether my next set of plans are a good or bad idea.
For now… the relief is indescribable… totally immense… I can breathe again
And thank you to all of you who have offered messages of support on here, facebook and of course twitter over the past week… you all helped get me through a seriously tough week. Huge virtual hugs and kisses for anyone who wants them! Thank you all xxxxx