20:57 – Well I went to a&e

25 Sep

I have just got back home from a&e, I was in there for ages and best friend came with me. First of all I only mentioned my leg wound from a week or two ago and said I needed a wound check, so she took the dressing off and cleaned it up again and put another one on with a tubigrip bandage to add some pressure to help it close up a bit more.

Then I admit I have cut again. She took the bandage off my arm that I’d put on earlier and one of the cuts just would not stop bleeding, it was bleeding with such a constant thick flow that she couldn’t tell if it was a couple of capillaries I’d cut through or the side of a vein. We tried pressure… didn’t work… we tried pressure and glue but it was bleeding so fast that it bled right through the glue and the glue literally takes a second to dry… then I had to sit with my arm up in the air applying pressure but it still wouldn’t stop. In the end she used a caustic pencil (had to google it there to see what it was called). It looks like a long matchstick and the little bit on the end of it burns the bit that’s bleeding to cauterize it. I have never had to have one of them before and I never want it again – she used two of them to get it to stop and it seriously felt like someone was sticking a red hot poker stick right into the wound. When best friend and the nurse saw my face (trying to fight back the tears as it was so sore) best friend said to me “the next time you go to cut I want you to remember this moment”…. Hmm….

It was the senior charge nurse who was on, she has been at my CPA meeting before and when I very first met her I really wasn’t sure if I liked her as she is quite serious and matron like… but as time has gone on I’ve realised she’s actually really nice and seems like she genuinely wants to help me when I attend a&e. She was the one who phoned me the other week to request my permission to inform the mental health team of every time I attend there. So yeah, that’s going to be fun, I have CPN and social worker tomorrow (if social worker shows up) and I’m going to be in a crappy mood and they are going to have a message that I have attended a&e again with self harm wounds.

So anyway… I got medical attention… my leg is cleaned and has a new dressing on it… my arm is glued and steri-stripped and the wound dressed. If I wake up in the morning and the dressing is soaked with blood I have to go straight back up and have that horrible thing to cauterize the bleeding again, if it looks OK then I can wait til Thursday and go up just to have it checked and the dressings changed.

My head is thumping because I’m doing this low carb eating thing again, my body is crying out for some sugar. Today I have eaten a handful of prawns with iceberg lettuce – no dressing, and a tin of tuna with iceberg lettuce – no dressing. And all I can drink at the moment is water. But it will be worth it when I start seeing some weight come off I guess. It’s going to be super hard to stick to right enough.

So I am back home, the dogs have had a quick walk, I’m just about to take my medication even though it’s only coming on 9pm and I’m about to turn the lights out and just lie on the sofa as the light is making my headache even worse.

I guess it hasn’t been a very great day and I’m not overly optimistic that tomorrow’s appointment is going to be much fun either.

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6 Responses to “20:57 – Well I went to a&e”

  1. Starrlitlove September 25, 2012 at 21:11 #

    Be careful with the low carb diet. They can be dangerous especially for those with mood disorders. The body needs carbs and a lack of them can cause negative changes in mood and irritability.

    • mycrazybipolarlife September 25, 2012 at 21:25 #

      I know, I did have a good think about it before starting it. I did it about 6/7 years ago when I had bipolar but it was undiagnosed and lost about 4 and a half stone in like 7 months. Because I have that condition called PCOS it plays havoc with my insulin and low carbing helps balance the insulin levels out… but yes you’re right… it makes you feel really crappy to start off with anyway, I feel very lethargic and just blah about everything, but I’m hoping that will soon pass. If it doesn’t I will change to a low GI diet instead, similar but allows you some “good” carbs. I will be careful and if I see my mood remaining really low I will think about swapping over to low GI. At the moment I’m pretty much doing the induction phase of the Atkins diet where you are allowed pretty much no carbs at all so I’m sure it’s probably contributing to me feeling so rubbish x

      • Starrlitlove September 25, 2012 at 23:19 #

        Just take the best care of yourself that you can. You are worth it, I promise you that.

  2. fearlessanalyst September 26, 2012 at 02:07 #

    Well, in spite of your headache and your wounds and your low carb diet – you’re sounding pretty sober and ‘in charge’ of your life. So I’m feeling a grandmotherly impulse to say “Good girl!” and give you a hug :-) I hope the next 24-48 hours goes okay for you!

    • mycrazybipolarlife September 26, 2012 at 08:52 #

      Thank you, and thank you for the hug, it is most appreciated xx :)

  3. The Quiet Borderline (back in hospital) September 26, 2012 at 16:18 #

    Sorry you self-harmed – I know what it’s like – even getting urges myself today and I’m feeling reasonably OK. I understand how the urge comes and then the impulsiveness.

    Hope your wounds are OK. Keep them clean and looked after.

    Take care please xx

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