It was different nurses and a different doctor on in a&e so my cut from last night went unnoticed/not mentioned, so that was a relief. It was one of the nurses on who was on the day I went up about the assault. She couldn’t believe a month had passed and the cigarette burns still haven’t healed properly.
She had a look at the wound, wasn’t sure herself whether to take the stitches out so went and got the doctor to have a quick look at it. He said it was fine to take them out but leave the steri-strips (that are on top of the glue) on and put some new steri-strips in place of where the stitches were. So got all that done and a clean dressing and have to phone and get an appointment with the practice nurse on Friday to have the steri-strips taken off but I think I might just do that myself!
I’m getting a bit worried about my state of mind to be honest. Things are not good with all this cutting and I can see that. I can also see the worst case scenario consequences and know I truly don’t want that. But it’s like a need that I can’t control just now, all I can think about is cut, cut, cut.
I need to get a grip of myself and try to be able to appear normal-ish to Mr Psychiatrist tomorrow, although I am going to ask for my Mirtazapine to be increased and he already knows about this bout of self harming as GP told him on the phone on Friday so I will no doubt get quizzed about that.
Very tired again, waiting on the guys to fuck off home for the day, hungry but can’t be bothered to cook anything or eat anything. Just want to sleep so badly, at least when I’m asleep my crazy head isn’t on. I need to take my crazy head off somehow and replace it with a normal thinking one.