I had my session at 1pm today with my new CPN. It has been arranged so that a support worker meets me outside my flat beforehand and we walk to the CMHT together. I was apprehensive about it because when we met a couple of weeks ago to be introduced (see here) she seemed very keen, almost pushy, about me “exploring my creativity, furthering my education, making the most out of life” all that sort of ‘positive vibe’ shit.
However, she came into the room and saw I had pushed the seat right into the corner next to the door so she would have to sit right across the room – but she moved her chair over closer and seemed genuinely interested in how I was doing and stuff. She told me she had spoken to my social worker and knew how important the moving house stuff was to me and without me even asking she said she was going to writing a supporting letter to go in with my application. I told her my social worker had already written one but she said the second one would be a good thing for my application. So she was going to write it out after I left today and I have to pick it up Friday lunchtime and take it to the housing department. I don’t expect they would have starting reviewing my application by Friday but hopefully with two supporting letters (and my GP and Consultant Psychiatrist’s details) it will add some weight to my case.
The new CPN is OK. No actually, she is nice going by today’s impression. She seemed really keen to help me and understood where I was coming from when I described how trapped I suddenly feel here in this flat. She did ask if I had thought any more about a college course or some kind of volunteering and I told her that the night after the last time I saw her I sat and went onto the college and open university websites and also had sent a couple of emails about voluntary work. I also explained I was a bit hesitant because I see myself as unreliable and unable to commit to things when they have to be planned in advance. She said it wasn’t *me* who was unreliable, it was my illness, but she was really happy I had taken what she said on board and at least looked into what options there are.
So I told her I would like to maybe try a part time college course if I am more well come August but for now I couldn’t make any definite decisions. I also brought up with her the comments she had made a couple of weeks ago about me not having agoraphobia and how I had brought that up with the psychiatrist last week. I told her he admitted it did seem that I still have quite a problem with the thought of travelling anywhere unfamiliar and so she said maybe we could work on that a little bit, I don’t know if she means graded exposure, she didn’t really expand, to be honest the whole session pretty much revolved around this bloody housing transfer and her asking a load of questions about it all.
So, what was achieved in our first session?
- I’m getting another letter to support my housing transfer application
- I have a future ‘goal’ of perhaps starting a part time college course later in the year
- Working on my agoraphobia could be some work we could do together
- I feel as though she knows and understands me a bit better now
So I can’t complain really. She was quite nice, she took an interest in what I had to say, the session went by really quickly, we talked about the present and the future, she told me I had enough medical type people in my care team and for the few months she is here she just wants to keep encouraging me to try and claim a bit of my life back.
Lucifer isn’t too sure about all this positivity talk. I felt some uncomfortable crampy feelings in my forehead as I sat listening to her, almost like someone was scratching my forehead from the inside, distracting me. When I went to the chemist after the appointment for my weekly prescription I was aware of stumbling with my words as I was talking to both the pharmacist and Lucifer and getting confused. It was something really simple, she was just trying to tell me that this was the last week of my monthly prescription so I had to get a new one next week but Lucifer kept telling me she was someone to be wary of. She was too friendly, it made him (and me) a bit suspicious of her motives so I got out of there as quickly as I could.
My new phone didn’t arrive today (grr) so I’m really hoping it comes tomorrow. I need to send my other one to the recycle place and get the money for it in my account asap but I can’t survive without a phone so I need my new one to come before I send the other one away. Tomorrow I have the addictions nurse at 4pm so can pretty much wait in all day and see if it comes. I’m seeing new CPN again next Friday, I just need to remember to go to the CMHT this Friday and pick up the letter.
1st session: Good I think